Thanks for destroying my dream of ever being a writer!
****ing seriously, get this published, man. I can already see it as a blockbuster movie, as I'm sure you can, and possibly wrote it with that in mind. It's ****ing great. Quite long, almost more a mini-novel maybe, but despite the few niggles I had earlier, not really a bad part in it. Excellent prose, great characters, fantastic interaction ... hell, just perfect. Everyone should read this. I'm so jealous but, you know, ****ing proud as all hell too to have read it before it becomes a fantasy classic and bestseller.
50/10
or more.