Thread: no title
View Single Post
Old 03-10-2006, 07:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
sleepy jack
isfckingdead
 
sleepy jack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,969
Default

It has a nice flow, it kind of lacks, but theres no imagery, or anything its just kind of bland.

Quote:
So many nights I've spent there
High above the moon.
On this describe the nights and how you felt, and how cold or hot it was and what the moon looks like the bottom two are fine.

The Next verse is fine.
Quote:
I used to lay awake with
Tears filling my eyes.
Waiting for better days to
Come and change my life.
Describe the days a bit more, dreary, gloomy etc..

Quote:
Then one day I realized there's
Nothing I can change
If all I do is hide then
There's just fear and pain.
I just think thats somewhat of a weak way of ending it. Maybe you could add another part to wrap it up thats a bit more poetic?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
sleepy jack is offline   Reply With Quote