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Jadix · 03-15-2006, 12:35 PM

I think your lines are too long to only be rhyming the last word.

Check out this verse for example:

Nobody better test me, cuz I don't wanna get messy
Especially when I step inside this bitch, **** freshly
New Lugz, give the crew hugs, guzzle two mugs
Before I do drugs that make me throw up like flu bugs
True thugs, rugged unshaven messy scrubs
Whippin' 40-bottles like the ****in' Pepsi clubs
Down a fifth, crack open a six
I'm on my seventh 8-ball, now I gotta take a piss
I'm hollerin' at these hoes that got boyfriends
Who gives a **** who they was
I'm always takin' someone else's girl like Cool J does
They probably don't be packin' anyways, do they Fuzz?
We walked up, stomped they asses and blew they buzz
Mics get sandblasted
Stab your abdomen with a hand crafted pocketknife and spill your antacid
Sprayed your mother****in' crib up when I ran past it
****in' felon, headed to hell in a handbasket
Talkin' **** will get you, your girl and your man blasted
Kidnapped and slapped in a van wrapped in Saran plastic
Get your damn ass kicked, by these fantastic
Furious four mother****ers
Flashin' in front of your face without the Grand Masters

I know its a totally different style and theme, but it flows better. I'm not saying that if you cant do it this well then you suck, because this is like the best it gets.

03-15-2006, 12:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jadix infamous nimbus Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 140	I think your lines are too long to only be rhyming the last word. Check out this verse for example: Nobody better test me, cuz I don't wanna get messy Especially when I step inside this bitch, ** freshly New Lugz, give the crew hugs, guzzle two mugs Before I do drugs that make me throw up like flu bugs True thugs, rugged unshaven messy scrubs Whippin' 40-bottles like the in' Pepsi clubs Down a fifth, crack open a six I'm on my seventh 8-ball, now I gotta take a piss I'm hollerin' at these hoes that got boyfriends Who gives a who they was I'm always takin' someone else's girl like Cool J does They probably don't be packin' anyways, do they Fuzz? We walked up, stomped they asses and blew they buzz Mics get sandblasted Stab your abdomen with a hand crafted pocketknife and spill your antacid Sprayed your motherin' crib up when I ran past it in' felon, headed to hell in a handbasket Talkin' will get you, your girl and your man blasted Kidnapped and slapped in a van wrapped in Saran plastic Get your damn ass kicked, by these fantastic Furious four mother**ers Flashin' in front of your face without the Grand Masters I know its a totally different style and theme, but it flows better. I'm not saying that if you cant do it this well then you suck, because this is like the best it gets.