Originally Posted by 66Sexy

My mother never hit me like that but I still got hit in a way that ****ed me up. But I almost wish I got that level of abuse cause I like to imagine just how it would have destroyed me in a way that I'd be able to look back at and been even more sick and ****ed up than I already am. Abuse is ****ed up like that. It makes you feel like it's funny after the fact. My entire immediate family has this "funny" story about the right hand side of my grandparents' dinner table where my grandfather sat at the head of the table, my grandmother sat at his left side, and my mother, aunts, and uncles would rush to the table so that they wouldn't get the seat on his right side cause that was "the death seat". That's the seat that got physically assaulted during meals. We all laugh about it cause of course we laugh at it. Abused families laugh at abuse I guess, or at least mine does. I know it's wrong but I still laugh cause it makes sense in our family.

The idea of laughing at getting hit is oddly empowering. I feel like I didn't get hit enough to justify how ****ed up I am. But if I'd suffered through what my mother and her siblings did I'd have something to fight against and be able to shove my face into his face to act as a panacea to my fear. But now I just feel like I kinda got the shaft but not enough to justify how I feel right now.