Quote:
Originally Posted by 66Sexy
Feeling useless can be pretty sweet though. When you feel divorced from everyone's expectations you kind of get to bathe in yourself in a way you can't when you have to keep your crazy under wraps to function in normal society.
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That was a huge part of the appeal of living in north east Asia. No one expects you to be in any way normal or functional.
In America it’s more disconcerting. It shouldn’t matter to me but it still affects my self-esteem. I’ve tried extraordinarily hard to disconnect productivity to self worth. It’s just that when you are rewarded by the group it’s hard not to let your pleasure receptors soak in it. Then you’re addicted and when it’s gone you suffer. And suffer. And suffer. It’s very hard to get beyond that.