The Batlord

Here I am on some Azura forsaken ox cart in the middle of frostbite land, shackled like an animal with a gaggle o' paper-faced monkeys who haven't bathed since five minutes after the priest pulled em out o' their mums' nethers and slapped em on the arse. I swear I don't know what I did to piss the Legion off but those wankers called me a thief anyhow and shipped me off with some Sven rebels who think they can take on the bleedin' Tamriel Empire. Good luck with that, mate. The gagged one is supposed to be a lord or summink what killed the High King o' Skyrim and started the whole war. Ulfric Stormcloak. Looks a right twat.

Some boring cunt tries making conversation with everyone in the cart but everyone averts their eyes cause he's such a pompous slag whinging on about Nord pride and by Boethiah this is one long cart ride.

"Is this buggy gonna stop anytime soon? I gotta piss!"

"Shut up back there!"

"Sod off, monkey!"

The soldiers kicked me a bit after that and we were back on our way. We pulled up to some backwater crapsack of a town called Helgen soon after and were shoved off the cart. A Legion prick with pen and paper asked me my name.

"Your mum."

He jotted that down like a daft prick.

"Another refugee? The gods truly have abandoned your people, dark elf."

Cunt.

"Captain, what should we do? Your mum's not on the list."

A sharp one he is.

"Forget the list, he goes to the block."

Block?

"I'm sorry. We'll make sure your remains are returned to Morrowind."

What are you gonna do with the remains of me bollocks down ya throat?

"Follow the captain, prisoner."

I don't like where this is going. Hey, who's that bloke with the hood and the axe? Don't like this one bit.

Some Grand Marshall cock sucker name of Tullius is talkin' like this Ulfric guy deflowered the Emperor's daughter and now one o' them rebel blokes is getin' marched right down to the headsman. Blimey I think they're gonna cut his bloody head off.

Yep. Bad luck, mate.

"Dark elf, step forward."

Bugger.

I guess you'd think this was the end for poor ol' Dikheth. Well you'd be wrong. Cause no sooner had I laid my pretty head down on that block then out of the sky should drop a bloomin' dragon. Yeah, that kinda dragon.

Well I'll see you cunts in a little while. Bit of a situation here.

__________________