1. You discover that your one-year-old child, the light of your life, is in fact not yours due to a mix-up at the hospital. Would you exchange the child to correct the mistake?
I would get in contact with the birth parents of the other child [or whoever was taking care of it], let them know what was going on, and try to make a joint decision with them. Then maybe sue the hospital, just for the hell of it.
2. If you could change one thing about how the human body has evolved, what would it be?
Maybe give us wings, gills, immortality or the ability to regenerate damaged cells.
3. Would you still masturbate if when you came your semen was just one big sperm, and afterward you'd have to fight it?
Well, giant fighting sperm would probably be a turn-off for the opposite sex, rendering sex out of the question, if a rowdy spermatozoa was gonna tear up the woman's pussy.So yes, I would still jerk it.
4. You're being held at gunpoint, and the gunman asks you for one reason why he shouldn't pull the trigger, what do you tell them?
I would tell him that I was rich and could get him anything that he wanted.
5. If you had to become an inanimate object for a year, what object would you choose to be?
Maybe a CCTV camera, so that I could see a ton of stuff, or a computer that was connected to the internet [for the same reason].
6. What is the weirdest thing you have seen in someone else’s home?
Probably a giant dildo with a hand-crank on one end.
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1. What's the worst live performance you've ever seen? (Preferably something that you've attended)
Probably some shitty local bands that I didn't care enough to learn the name of.
2. What do you make of these darned millennials?
They are people, like everyone else. Just gotta get to know them.
3. When is the last time you really helped someone (or tried to)?
I try to help family as much as possible. The kids with their homework. Cutting my grandpa's hair and taking him to run errands.
4. What has been the highlight of your year so far?
Any and all time spent with my son.
5. For Christmas, the guards at Guantanamo Bay let you choose the track that they're going to play on repeat for the next two weeks. Which song do you choose? (Immediate disqualification if you choose As Slowly As Possible)
I would probably look up the the ethnicity of the inmates there and play a song that would remind the majority of them of home.
6. Are you wearing pants right now?
Nope, just boxer briefs. Gotta be comfy while at home.
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