Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver

I like it. Had to add my own rhyme, nicking your ideas and some of your lines too. Its about eating a burger, people. Hehehe, double-entendre time...

I'm hungry for your touch
I can't wait another minute
Your warmth upon my lips
Upon my mouth, I want you in it

I bite into your flesh
And emit a pleasured sound
As my body gets warm
And I feel you going down...

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(In your lyrics, you could add lines along the lines of 'they say that its a phase/puppy fat, puppy love/but when when I'm not with you/I'm always bringing you up (geddit?)'.

Bad jokes in songs, works a treat.

Originally Posted by either/or

i see. i know its a draft and all but still it's the use of words like cuz, and ya that just remind me of things like stickwitu, which is just so commercial and the whole scene just reeks of top50 charts, crazy frogs, black people who arent as tough as they say they are, teenage girls and mediocre metaphors.