My neighbors across the backyard who I have literally no contact with are having a backyard fire with "their people" and listening to them while smoking a cigarette is making me bitterly nostalgic as **** about last decade when I'd kick it with my juggalo friends in their backyard with a fire drinking and getting high and I'm feeling kinda frantic about making friends with just about anybody I know and I just don't have anybody to connect with.
Like, why does hanging out after high school have to be so difficult? I don't even like most people or want to spend time with them but I'm not god damn schizotypal so I still bleed being alone all the time. There's just nobody I feel a burning need to spend time with and even settling for just people to have a drink with is vastly problematic cause I'm so ****ing me that my whole life has been attempts by me that get blown off politely but obviously.
ATM I'm feeling quite ****ty and isolated but I have no outlet to connect with people so all I can do is try to lose myself in something, anything. Booze, Dragon Ball, Total War, anything that doesn't feel like being alone. Most of the time I can rationalize why I'm alone and don't want the company of most people I meet but in the end I just want to meet people who don't think I'm an alien. And everyone thinks I'm an alien.
There was like this one person who was cool like a year ago who I worked with who actually tried to hang out with me and we were cool as **** but a meetup never happened and then they quit without even exchanging numbers and I still think about it cause that was the first time in a decade where a real potential for a new friend presented themselves and now that's gone.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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