I don't have to remind you, I'm sure, but it's that time of year again, when we celebrate the birth of one whose contribution to the world cannot be overstated, and beside whom we are but tiny insects. Of course, December 25 is known globally, and rightfully as
THE FESTIVAL OF CHAD
Some ignorant people still call it Christmas, but they are unenlightened unbelievers, and will one day, we all pray, come into the light and glory of Chad.
It is of course impossible to relate the many ways in which Chad has changed and influenced this world. We all know He created music, single-handedly defeated Hitler, brokered a peace deal between Israel and Palestine (the fact that it did not last is not His fault, and is only further proof, were any needed, that both of these countries have yet to come into the full glory of Chad, may they one day be so blessed as to do so) and saved both
Futurama and
Family Guy from cancellation. This last has created some controversy among His followers, and some have held the almost heretical belief that Chad may have been wrong (
) not to have let
Family Guy die, but as He did so quoth Himself with His Own Blessed Lips: "Seth doth have more wisdom and satire to impart to us." We may not agree, but we, His faithful Children, will not doubt the sacred Word of Chad.
So tell us brothers and sisters, how has the mighty Chad affected
your life? Of course, he has impacted upon us all in some way, if only through His Mighty Presence, but do please relate your stories of how His Word saved you from addiction, homelessness, despair or the other evils in this life. Or how His influence helped you land that job, or finish that novel, or ask out the woman you now call your wife.
Testify, brothers and sisters! For it will soon be Chad Day, and we must all glory in His name!
May Chad bless you all.
Amen.
And cursed be those unbelievers who demand their nickelback!