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Tristan_Geoff · 04-22-2020, 10:21 PM

So this is sort of an embarrassing post to write, but as it turns out I am not non-binary.

A symptom of BPD is a fragile self-image, and that has manifested in myself and other accounts that I've read as frantically reaching for labels to describe one's self. Over the years what that meant for me was thinking I was asexual, demisexual, allosexual, bisexual, non-binary, switching between these labels every 6 months or so. I think some of you might remember a time on this forum where I described myself as asexual, when it turns out I have a pretty average (and straight as hell) sex drive.

Instead of thinking of myself as part of the problem of a straight person infiltrating queer spaces, I instead think that this experience in my life has given me more empathy and understanding for the LGBTQ+ community from a standpoint that many straight people are not able to experience, my friend group for a time in 2019 dating a specific person consisted of mostly trans people, and one of my closest friends since 2018 is trans.

I guess one of the reasons I'm saying this is that I'm confused as to how to come un-out to the friends who have for over a year respected my pronouns and thought of me as trans. Would doing so make me lose these friends due to the misunderstanding? At least a few of them I'm really scared to come out to as they now openly display parts of their sexuality and gender partially as a result of my openness in my gender.

That being said, gender is certainly a construct and since I was young I always questioned gender roles and didn't really consider myself "masculine", but that doesn't necessarily negate the non-binary label. I have no desire to transition and while I don't display a lot of masculine characteristics in my personality, I don't display a lot of feminine characteristics either. I've never been attracted to men, and I've only ever dated women, outside of trying to date a man when I was confused by my queer label and trying to be open to it. But alas. I'm a straight male and I'm comfortable with that fact now.