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Old 07-10-2020, 07:12 PM   #2333 (permalink)
SGR
No Ice In My Bourbon
 
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MidnightRambler View Post
That's not a joke, they've tried to get me to burn down my house and kill myself for years. It started in Upstate NY circa 2011 when they were telling everyone who lived around me to stare at me and then tried to make me fxck the chunky Puerto Rican girl who lived in the next unit over while my fat pig slob of an ex was watching some animu that had the lyrics "don't scary" in the title sequence and shoving poptarts into her gaping maw.

I didn't go through with that and I took off to the streets of Elmira, the social worker supposedly found me on the campus of Elmira college naked and covered in my own blood (It was like 40-something degrees outside) with broken glass stuck to my chest, but I think they made up that part to hide the fact that the Chinese Communist Party did in fact have their assets watching me from across the street, flashing lights at me in Morse code to try and get me to turn the Firebird into an AnFo bomb.


I was in the tard hatch for two months until my mom and sister came up from Florida to get me.
This may be the funniest sh*t I've ever read on this site, bravo good sir!

Why do you think the CIA wanted you to bang the chunky Puerto Rican girl?
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