Anyone who's unfortunate enough to have been around when I was in my original journal-churning-out phase around 2013 will remember this:
Now I'm back, and it's back. And we're kicking off with an old favourite. What? It was a favourite of mine, and I'm old. What's hard to understand about that?
As before, these are not movies I've watched, therefore I'm getting them mostly from "worst Christmas films" lists and being guided totally by public opinion. I am, however, this time, using other sources such as Rotten Tomatoes, and checking out what both critics and audiences said about them. If they're available on YouTube I'll load them up here, though the chances are most will not be, luckily for you. Probably.
And as before, these are in no order. So let's kick off with this one.
The Night Before (2015)
The Night Before what, you ask? Why, Christmas, dummy, of course. I could probably just write “a Seth Rogen movie” and you’d know whether or not to chance it, but I’m not quite that lazy. Seems to me to be something of a Hangover type thing (not that I’ve seen the movie), or just insert your favourite stoner/screwball comedy movie here. The tale of three friends in search of a Nutcracker. Um, party that is. With drunk Santas, plenty of vomit, a Christmas-hating thief who steals one of the character’s hash not once but twice (seriously: how can you be so stupid or careless to get not only robbed twice but by the same person?) and a high-school teacher who turns out to be an angel, and indeed a son of Santa, how can you go, er, right?
Oh yeah, throw in a proposal that isn’t, a pregnancy that isn’t, a “hilarious” mixing up of phones, hallucinations that reveal the true meaning of friendship and steroids, and a sappy happy ending and you probably have enough reasons to avoid this movie like the plague. Or, if that is your thing, to seek it out and watch it.
Harsh, you say, from someone who admits he has never even seen the movie? True, true. Fair point. Let’s hear from some who did.
In the
Sydney Morning Herald, Jake Wilson writes:
In The Night Before, which Levine directed and co-wrote, sweetness and crudity mingle from the outset.
Kate Muir, in the
Times, is more succinct, and perhaps cutting. She calls the movie
Intermittently funny. Hmm. Not a savaging, but hardly a ringing endorsement either. Don’t you just love those polite English?
We Irish? Well, maybe slightly less so, at least in the words of
The Evening Herald’s Chris Wasser:
This is the kind of movie where no amount of alcohol or class A narcotics can break our protagonists down. They just keep on rockin' hard - sometimes, with Miley Cyrus. It's kinda hilarious.
Americans had other ideas, such as this from Chris McCoy of
The Memphis Flyer (sounds like a good name for a steam train, don’t it?):
Sometimes, you just need a big, dumb comedy.
Well maybe, but it’s not for me. Some other English critics concur. Helen O’Hara, writing in the
Daily Telegraph, noted
The script was semi-improvised, which often shows in the film's loose, mildly chaotic tone, but it also allows the three charismatic stars to riff easily together.
While the
Guardian’s Peter Bradshaw concluded
It's a conceited semi-stoner adventure set on Christmas Eve, with mawkish top notes of male self-pity.
Perhaps the last word should be left to David Jenkins of
Little White Lies: Ho-ho-hell-no.
Indeed. Now, I’m not going to pretend that there weren’t positive, or at least kinder reviews by other critics, but I’m not going to post them, as that would show up my entirely biased agenda here, already set out in the introduction. I’m not saying I know this movie is bad - nor any of the others - but it’s getting a definite judge-the-book-by-its-cover treatment by me. Hey, it’s Christmas! Let me enjoy myself, huh?
Finally, let’s see what the people who matter (titter) the paying public had to say about the movie.
We won’t attribute these quotes because who cares who these guys are, right? fu
cking nobodies.
(Note: I'm pasting this in EXACTLY as they are, no corrections. If these fuc
kers can't be bothered to spell or use punctuation or grammar properly, I'll be diddly-doodly-darned if I'll do it for them. So blame them, not me.)
As far as stoner movies goes this one is a bad trip. Lots of flat scenes and awkward moments. There a few belly laughs, but the temptation to reach for the remote and FF begins about ten minutes in. Too bad, all of the leads and supporting cast are talented and likable.
Not terrible. It had some laughs. Better than I thought it would be.
Wow. High praise indeed. Someone wrote about a page about it but a) I’ll be fu
cked if I’m quoting that much and b) they liked it, which does not at all fit in with my fascist notions here, so I cry “fake news!” and move on.
Before I do, here's a trailer, for those interested.
Oh, also, I want to note the RT score here for each movie, but though it came up the first time, for some odd reason this one won't now, so I have to leave it as it is. Hopefully the others will all give me ratings I can share with you.