Quote:
Originally Posted by adidasss
I don't think that would happen. But anyway, I hope you're also thinking of yourself, and will have no regrets about dedicating your life to taking care of her. What did you do before you started to take care of her full time?
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Thanks. For so long I didn't think of myself. At one point I was so depressed I was unable to eat for three days. Nothing at all. First time I tried it all came back up, and I went two further days without even trying to eat. I got so weak I literally believed I was dying, and was ready to go next door to hand in the door key and ask them to call an ambulance, and have Karen looked after. Luckily I survived, but during that time, at its height, I had to get the doctor for Karen and was told she had to go to hospital. I was basically fainting myself but still had to take her, wait about sixteen hours to be seen and get home again, then grab like two hours' sleep, get up and give her her dinner (we left for the hospital about 9pm and finally arrived home about 2pm the next day). There was nothing I could do, nobody I could turn to, but I felt if I went to the hospital I would not come back.
Now I'm more careful, and even if I don't feel like eating I make sure I do. I don't ever want to go through that again. I can't afford to. If I get sick or die who will look after her?
Oh, I used to have an office job, same job for almost 30 years. It was in a freight firm. I quite enjoyed it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ribbons
Feeling angry/frustrated/anxious is entirely normal under the circumstances. I don't want to embarrass you - but I think you're an absolute saint and I admire you very much.
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Thanks ribbons. I have to leave my halo in to be repaired...
I'm no saint, believe me. I lose it like anyone else. But to my mind there was and is no choice. I couldn't stand to think of her slowing wasting away in some cold impersonal nursing home. It literally would kill her, I know it would. She has broached the idea of ending it all more than once, which is pretty terrifying because what can you say to convince her otherwise? Luckily (I guess) she can't do it on her own and it's illegal for me to assist, though in the darkest times I have wondered...