Sometimes I believe the meme that I am a sociopath or just a generally bad person.
Recently I had an interaction with some friends of the family who are this married couple with kids and they're getting up there in the years though the wife is a good decade and a half or so younger than the husband.
I've gotten flirty vibes from her for a while but the older and more domesticated they become, the more outward the boredom and frustrations with their relationship become to the outside observer, and they basically make it increasingly obvious and borderline awkward any time they have company.
Like they snipe at each other and try to score points in front of an audience... it's weird AF. Anyway, she seems to flirt with me more and more openly in front of the husband while they continue to take shots at each other in general more and more openly while whoever is in the 3rd party is just left to sit there and either egg it on or pretend not to notice.
The ****ed thing is though i genuinely like the husband and think he's a cool guy. And the wife isn't even that hot, she's just a sorta frustrated borderline chubby but also thick and curvy in the right areas housewife and I am attracted more to her sexual frustration than her looks.
I dunno why violating a marriage is a turn on to me. Especially when I know these people well and realistically won't act on it cause the social implications for me would be too drastic.
Still... I feel fundamentally like I'm ****ed in the head. I'm only barely avoiding doing the wrong thing but if i got caught in the right place right time.... it would be over.
Maybe cause I had an experience with an older woman when I was younger that was a formative experience? Or maybe cause my own household got split up in a similar way growing up?
And as i type this i recognize why it's ****ed up yet i don't fundamentally care. I don't feel it. It's like knowing the difference between right and wrong but fundamentally viewing them merely as subjective preferences.
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