Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie Monday
yeah I parent my mom more the older I get, although she's not doing anything problematic. And on the one hand it's nice to be able to interact with your parent like mature equals, but I do find it difficult sometimes that with that maturity I notice my mom's frailties and such. I miss the feeling I had as a kid that she was basically a kind of Wonder Woman who could easily do anything.
I feel like I've experienced similar boundary crossings in friendships. It sucks when there's an issue like that and you don't feel like the other person would understand or take it well if you'd try to work it out with them
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My situation is even more complicated by the fact that I’ve only really known my mom for the past ten years — I was kept from her as a child and we didn’t reunite until I was 18 and she found me on MySpace. She experienced a tremendous amount of trauma after having me at 16 and it’s apparent now that she never really matured past that period in time. She has been victimized so many times that being a victim is the only role she knows, but the major change has been that where before she had this identity of “selfless mom that everyone loves but who is romantically lonely,” to “I have a boyfriend for the first time in 20 years and none of my family understands why I’d choose this particular sketchy af man but I’m going to keep choosing him over myself and my children and my family because I don’t want to be lonely anymore.” Any discussions we try to have with her end in “you just don’t want me to be happy.”
I moved in with them after leaving my ex because it was the best option, and I knew I would end up regretting it, because I knew I’d see things I didn’t like, and now I just feel disgusted and disappointed in her for not wanting better for herself. Can’t even be mad at Dude, he’s not coercing her into attending to his every need, in fact he views it as pretty pathetic. It’s just the dynamic that she has created.