Apollo 12
Launched: November 14 1969
Reached Destination:
Type: Lander
Crew: Charles Conrad Jr., Richard F. Gordon Jr., Alan L. Bean
Nationality: American
Results: Second lunar landing achieved without incident; US flag which had fallen as
Apollo 11 had taken off replaced with a new one. Soil and rock samples taken; location of
Surveyor 3 probe confirmed and parts cannibalised from it. On the way back, photograph taken of a solar eclipse.
Photographs Taken: Unknown
Returned: November 24 1969
Issues (if any): After lift-off in rainy and windy conditions, the Saturn V rocket was twice hit by lightning. This caused problems with the fuel cells, leaving the rocket flying on battery power alone
(please plug your Saturn V rocket into the nearest available outlet - power now at 17%) 
but they were sorted. However there were fears the lightning had also knocked out the release mechanism on the parachute, which would then not deploy after re-entry. Since there was nothing they could do about it if this was the case, and the astronauts were then fated to die, nobody at the Space Centre told them. In the event, of course, there were no issues with the parachute and it deployed perfectly. NASA must have breathed a sigh of relief! I wonder if they ever told them? “Funny story, guys. You’ll laugh when you hear this but…”
Intending to broadcast live colour television footage of the second Moon landing, commander Conrad accidentally pointed the camera into the sun, which fried it and NASA’s carefully laid plans. And probably his bonus. Oops!
Apollo 13
Launched: April 11 1970
Reached Destination: Failed
Type: Lander (aborted)
Crew: James A. Lovell Jr., John L. Swigert Jr., Fred W. Haise Jr. (Why are so many astronauts junior, I wonder? Why so many named after their fathers? Very odd.)
Nationality: American
Results: Mission aborted after accident forced return to Earth
Photographs Taken: 0
Returned: April 17 1970
Issues (if any): Oh man. Well, you know: thirteen, unlucky for some, and it certainly was for these guys. As most of you have probably seen by watching the Tom Hanks movie of the same name, Apollo 13 suffered almost catastrophic engine failure on lift-off, then encountered problems with the fuel cells of the Service Module (SM) which necessitated a rapid abort and return to Earth, with no guarantee that the astronauts would make it back alive.
Ironically, when, just before the trouble started, the crew held a video introduction broadcast, none of the television networks carried it, as nobody was interested any more. Once the situation began to develop, the entire world followed developments, and in the end at least the return and finally thankfully successful splashdown of the capsule from Apollo 13 was watched by a larger audience than had watched the original Moon landing. Interested was re-awakened in the till-then-boring missions to the Moon, although in a negative way, as people, while thankful the astronauts were safe, considered how it could have been, and for the first time since Apollo 11 began to realise how dangerous it was going into space, perhaps gaining a new appreciation for the men who stepped out into the final frontier, and wondering when the next disaster might be.
No doubt the TV networks privately wished they had had some sort of linkup in the capsule to cover the actual accident and return, but then, that would have been ghoulish, wouldn’t it? What if the crew had not made it back? Well, then ratings would have gone through the… let’s not go there.
From this almost-tragedy comes the famous and oft-misquoted phrase “Houston, we have a problem” (which was actually “Houston, we’ve had a problem”). I’m not sure if the other phrase now linked with it comes only from the film or if it had anything to do with the mission, but either way I personally feel saying “failure is not an option” is stupid. Failure is always an option, or at least a possibility or an outcome. I guess essentially, no, failure is never an option, if you consider the word option means something you choose over something else: nobody wants to fail. But success is never guaranteed, so to say you simply can’t fail is disingenuous at best, naive at worst. But anyway, it’s inextricably linked with the mission now for all time, and luckily for them, failure was not the outcome.
Apollo 14
Launched: January 31 1971
Reached Destination: February 4 1971
Type: Lander
Crew: Alan B. Shepherd Jr. (again with the junior!), Stuart A. Roosa, Edgar D. Mitchell
Nationality: American
Results: Third successful Moon landing and excursion; photographs taken, rock and soil samples returned
Photographs Taken: 417
Returned: February 9 1971
Issues (if any): There were problems getting the LM to dock with the Command Module (CM) in orbit, which, if not resolved, would have made it impossible to land on the Moon, forcing a humiliating return to Earth and adding to the abject failure of Apollo 13, only a year before. Through some trickery though the LM was docked and the landing proceeded. Even then, a faulty signal kept advising the computer to abort, but this too was worked around. The landing radar also played up, but in spite of all this, the third landing of humans on the Moon was achieved. Not that anyone at this point really gave a s
hit. Exit from the lander was further delayed by a communications problem. The folks back home were probably watching Dallas.
Shepard did at least leave one lasting memory in the minds of the public that persisted long after the Apollo mission had been cancelled and all but forgotten about. He brought a golf club with him and drove some golf balls on the Moon, the only human ever to do so (or, probably, want to - fu
cking golf. Sorry). His companion, Mitchell, threw a long, thin tool like a javelin. Because, of course, of the lower gravity both projectiles flew much further than they ever would have on Earth, making the two men, had such records been allowed, easily the record holders for throwing or hitting something over such a distance. I don’t know whether Shepard had any arrangement with them, or got paid, but I expect the company that made the golf club, Wilson Sports Products, capitalised like hell on that: “Wilson: the only golf clubs used on the Moon!” or “Wilson golf clubs: they’re literally out of this world!” and so on.
Apollo 15
Launched: July 26 1971
Reached Destination: July 29 1971
Type: Lander
Crew: David R. Scott, Alfred M. Worden, James B. Irwin
Nationality: American
Results: Fourth successful Moon landing, deployment for the first time of a lunar rover, a vehicle in which the astronauts could leisurely explore the Moon instead of, as they had on the previous mission, tiring themselves out and using all their oxygen up. Performed an experiment based on Galileo’s theory that in the absence of aerodynamic drag two items of different masses and weights (in this case, a hammer and a feather) would fall at exactly the same rate. More samples of rocks taken. Scientific experiments left behind. Satellite released into orbit. First spacewalk (EVA - ExtraVehicular Activity) by an American crew.
Photographs Taken: Unknown
Returned: August 7 1971
Issues (if any): Relatively minor ones, compared to the last two missions. A malfunctioning light on a panel on the LM was a concern, in that it might accidentally fire the service propulsion system, and a broken dial on a tapemeter in the craft left shards of broken glass floating about, but both of these problems were sorted. A more serious one was a leak in the water system, but this was also repaired. The lander then came down on the rim of a crater, which made it unstable and dangerous and could have forced an abort, but they managed to stabilise it.
Interest in the Apollo program flared up again briefly with the introduction of the lunar rover, which fired the imagination of the world and no doubt appealed to car buffs too, being the very first vehicle ever driven on the surface of another planet. It was of course left behind and is still there. Other points that emerged later, which are not entirely relevant here, but refer to commercial deals made by the crew with certain patrons, were looked upon less kindly, and pretty soon the gloss was again gone off the programme, as people turned back to their ordinary day-to-day concerns and left the Moon to NASA. Apollo 16 would be the penultimate mission as the programme wound down to its conclusion.
Apollo 16
Launched: April 16 1972
Reached Destination:
Type: Lander
Crew: John W. Young, Thomas K. Mattingly II, Charles M. Duke Jr.
Nationality: American
Results: Fifth landing on the lunar surface (yawn, by now) , second lunar rover driven on the Moon, positioned with a TV camera so that it could film the departure; second satellite released, second deep space EVA performed.
Photographs Taken: Unknown
Returned: April 27 1972
Issues (if any): Very little. Problems with the lunar lander could have had the mission aborted, but they were solved and the landing went ahead as planned.
Rather upsettingly, and pre-empting a point I’ll be making at the end, one of the first things the crew did was take out the trash. I mean, come on! You arrive at a new planetoid and the first thing you want to do is dump your sh
it on it? Why not take it back to Earth or burn it or something? Anyway, more to come on that, you may be sure.
Apollo 17
Launched: December 7 1972
Reached Destination: December 10 1972
Type: Lander
Crew: Eugene A. Cernan, Ronald E. Evans, Harrison H. Schmitt
Nationality: American
Results: Lunar rover deployed for the third and last time on the Moon; more rocks and soil collected, scientific experiments yawn you can see how the general public soon got bored with this. Oh, and they took mice into orbit to assess the effects of cosmic rays on them. A representative for Equal Treatment for Rodents did not immediately return calls for comment.
Photographs Taken: Unknown
Returned: December 19 1972
Issues (if any): Don’t seem to have been any, proving how boring and hum-drum these missions had become.
The final words of Commander Cernan certainly ring through history, but really only because of the irony their sentiments ended up meaning:
"... I'm on the surface; and, as I take man's last step from the surface, back home for some time to come - but we believe not too long into the future - I'd like to just [say] what I believe history will record. That America's challenge of today has forged man's destiny of tomorrow. And, as we leave the Moon at Taurus-Littrow, we leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind. "Godspeed the crew of Apollo 17.”
America has not returned to the Moon almost half a century later.
The American Apollo mission programme had lasted for eleven years, landed five crews of two men (the third remained in the orbiter each time) on the surface of the Moon, returned a few kilos of Moon rock to Earth, conducted countless experiments and cost, at the time, a total of 25 billion US Dollars, which equates to 156 billion today. In terms of space exploration and scientific research (and of course of beating the Russians to it) the programme was considered a success, however once it was finished there was no follow-up, and interest in, and funding for, space exploration dried up until the twenty-first century. Now we’re planning trips to Mars, but the Moon remains forgotten and discarded, like a mountain that must be climbed but which, once conquered, is of no further interest. Projected Moon bases, colonies, even mining never materialised, and many are of the opinion that the Apollo programme was a waste of money that could have gone towards healing America’s terrestrial problems, such as housing and education.
Although the Apollo programme did unite America - and the world - at certain points, such as of course the
Apollo 11 first ever Moon landing and the subsequent almost-disaster of
Apollo 13, and briefly again for the first deployment of the lunar rover, interest soon waned and with that came distrust, doubt and worry about how American tax dollars were being spent. Your average Eddie Punchclock or Sally Housewife would not care that certain rocks salvaged from the lunar surface yielded this or that scientific knowledge, or that a satellite proved such and such: they were more concerned with feeding their kids and keeping, or getting a job. So to return to my criticism of the Nixon administration (and it’s not just mine of course) it does seem that priority was given almost more to style than substance. Apollo launches look good and Moon walks get you inches of newspaper coverage, but in the end is it all worth it? Is it all flash and bang and pomp and circumstance, while people starve and face injustice back on the good old Earth?
I leave you, in this section, with the words of the poet of the age, already referred to, which sum up the feelings of most ordinary, certainly most black people, about the idea of spending so much money on space exploration while there are problems back home.
A rat done bit my sister Nell.
(with Whitey on the moon)
Her face and arms began to swell.
(and Whitey's on the moon)
I can't pay no doctor bill.
(but Whitey's on the moon)
Ten years from now I'll be payin' still.
(while Whitey's on the moon)
The man jus' upped my rent las' night.
('cause Whitey's on the moon)
No hot water, no toilets, no lights.
(but Whitey's on the moon)
I wonder why he's uppi' me?
('cause Whitey's on the moon?)
I was already payin' 'im fifty a week.
(with Whitey on the moon)
Taxes takin' my whole damn check,
Junkies makin' me a nervous wreck,
The price of food is goin' up,
An' as if all that **** wasn't enough
A rat done bit my sister Nell.
(with Whitey on the moon)
Her face an' arm began to swell.
(but Whitey's on the moon)
Was all that money I made las' year
(for Whitey on the moon?)
How come there ain't no money here?
(Hm! Whitey's on the moon)
Y'know I jus' 'bout had my fill
(of Whitey on the moon)
I think I'll sen' these doctor bills,
Airmail special
(to Whitey on the moon)
“Whitey on the Moon” - Gil Scott-Heron, 1970
Over the course of seventeen missions and five lunar landings, not one black man ever crewed an Apollo spacecraft. Not one black - or even, other than white - face has been seen on the lunar surface, or in a lunar capsule. I don’t know if black people worked in the control centres (I assume quite possibly) but as far as front-line personnel goes, it seems black men were fit to fight in America’s wars but not to go into space, so it’s not hard to see how the Apollo mission and the exploration of space was seen as an exclusively white enterprise. While the last man to leave the Moon, Commander Eugene Cernan, noted rather over-optimistically that the Apollo programme had been for all men and women, it has been essentially whites in space, or as Scott-Heron puts it above, whitey on the moon.
One of the main issues I have, personally, with the Apollo and other missions is the callous disregard for its own ecosystem. Yes, it may not have an atmosphere, it may be a rock, but it’s not our personal fu
cking dumping ground. Aside from lunar impactors being allowed to just, well, impact on the surface of the Moon, we dropped (jettisoned is a nicer word but it means the same thing) rocket stages, control modules, service modules and other sh
it on the moon or into its orbit, left flags and plaques (okay they’re not so bad) and no less than three lunar rovers to sit and rust on the Moon (sure, I know: without any air how can they rust? It’s a figure of speech, dumbass) and worst of all, as alluded to earlier,
we brought a fucking bag of trash to dump on the Moon!
I mean, I don’t know why we didn’t just go the whole hog and make the lunar surface our new dumpsite. Think of how much landfill would fit into those huge craters! We could toss our trash onto the high mountain sides of Olympus Mons and s
hit, strew the whole damn surface with our discarded crap, make the Moon the biggest floating garbage heap in space!
Have we no shame, no sense of ecological responsibility? Oh no wait: look what we’re doing and have done to our own planet. Well, the ultimate question then arises, doesn’t it?
What, after all that money and time and lives put in danger and TV coverage and study of fu
cking rock, has been done about the Moon? What is humanity’s plan for this barren rock which orbits our home planet? Glad you asked. Before we leave here, let’s look into the plans - realistic and fantastic - for what might happen.