it's pretty nice
Especially the second part - it gets less cliche and more like an actual song.
Also, midway through you have a nice rhythm in the words. What I mean by that is that the beginning is a bit sloppy ryhtmically, but around the phrase "But then I met you" you sort it out, and I even began bouncing my head while reading
I think you should consider choosing between the talking directly at him and talking about him
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Originally Posted by Marie Monday
This thread reads like the synopsis of a tv series, in a good way
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