I like this one a lot (missed it when it was originally posted). The first two lines are pretty good, although they aren't attention grabbers, they are vague in just the right way that they could be speaking about any of the girls/women featured in the book - this part probably isn't as effective for those who haven't read the book. Most of the other lines are really well phrased and get the ideas across very nicely, and there are some absolutely beautiful phrases dotted around the piece.
This line
Quote:
She left my arms. They, still wrapped around her shape,
Dropped, and I fell into the fire.
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is my personal favourite.
I do, however, have one significant gripe with it. These three lines.
Quote:
Yet when a child's shadow tore through the flames,
And left with the stones to wash away the burns,
To strip and save the girl,
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do what Big3 has already mentioned. They just report on what happened at this point in the story. They don't really convey any of the emotions that you felt when reading the story, they don't give us any new thoughts on that sections of the story, and to those who didn't read the story this section is probably pointless as they have no idea who the child is, what the burns are from or anything else that gives the child any importance.
So yes, really good, apart from those 3 lines.