Quote:
Originally Posted by Raime
I've been freaking out a lot lately, and I've been embarrassing myself during said freak outs. I used to be better at handling stress and dealing with stuff, but one thing set me off, and today I just straight up said "Nobody gives a **** about me, I'm tired of feeling worthless, just ****ing get rid of me already" among other things at work. I'm really tired of not being a stable and successful person in life, and just feel like I'm trapped in a situation where I'm miserable, and make everyone around me miserable. I just snap, and before I know it I'm acting like crazy *******, it's painful and ****ing embarrassing. I don't tell people I have suicidal thoughts except for my family and therapist, and I had to call my mom and tell her I might have to check into a hospital because I really wanted to hurt myself earlier and she had to talk me down from doing anything stupid.
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I realize it's been a while, but I just dropped by and saw this. How are you doing these days, Raime?
About suicidal thoughts, I'm kinda coming to terms with the fact that I have them and am wondering a bit why. If life gets ****ty, a part of me wants to opt out. You silly old brain, of course I can't do that. I gots kids now.
I'm making an EP and the 4 last songs I wrote actual lyrics to all center around suicide or like the dissolution of the self and its cares. As a result, it's going to be central to the concept of the EP I'm doing, although not in quite as dour a way as it sounds. I dress it up in ways to make it palatable and maybe even fun. But regardless of how I express it, it's like there's a small part of me that yearns for death a little bit and every now and then.
It's been like that for years, but it's gotten more prevalent lately with stress both at work and at home. I wouldn't characterize myself as at risk or anything. I've always been fascinated with morbid stuff, so maybe this is just another facet to that.
I got my problems like anyone else, but overall my life is going pretty well. Is it normal to have such thoughts / feelings? Do other people feel this way? Do you have a degree in psychology and can tell me what's up with this old hunk o' junk brain?