Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush
I realize it's been a while, but I just dropped by and saw this. How are you doing these days, Raime?
About suicidal thoughts, I'm kinda coming to terms with the fact that I have them and am wondering a bit why. If life gets ****ty, a part of me wants to opt out. You silly old brain, of course I can't do that. I gots kids now.
I'm making an EP and the 4 last songs I wrote actual lyrics to all center around suicide or like the dissolution of the self and its cares. As a result, it's going to be central to the concept of the EP I'm doing, although not in quite as dour a way as it sounds. I dress it up in ways to make it palatable and maybe even fun. But regardless of how I express it, it's like there's a small part of me that yearns for death a little bit and every now and then.
It's been like that for years, but it's gotten more prevalent lately with stress both at work and at home. I wouldn't characterize myself as at risk or anything. I've always been fascinated with morbid stuff, so maybe this is just another facet to that.
I got my problems like anyone else, but overall my life is going pretty well. Is it normal to have such thoughts / feelings? Do other people feel this way? Do you have a degree in psychology and can tell me what's up with this old hunk o' junk brain?
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I am also thinking of Raime and hoping that with the support of his family and therapist, life has gotten a bit easier for him, although life is never, ever easy, especially for people of great sensitivity. The suicidal impulses, panic/anxiety attacks and resultant feelings of shame that Raime described are horrible for anyone to experience.
Tore, I am very sorry that you are feeling this way – and it’s no surprise that these disturbing thoughts have become more prevalent for you lately due to work and personal stress. I am by no means qualified to advise you – but I have struggled with passive suicidal ideations throughout my entire life (since childhood, actually). Don't want to belabor my own situation here, but in my case I think it’s partially a genetically inherited disposition and partially due to childhood trauma. It is something I have had to learn to manage, with the help of a therapist. I would urge you to please seek help from a therapist as well, Tore - because the danger of passive ideations is that they are often not taken seriously until things get much worse. When I am under increased stress the ideations become much more prevalent, as in your current situation. I realize that you are creatively channeling your stress into your music, and while that is beneficial and important, you are also running the risk of submerging some serious negative impulses and thoughts and making light of them (i.e., making them “fun” as you mentioned). Take it from someone who knows and who often “jokes” about her own condition. I know we often say that we would never “off” ourselves because we have children – and while that may be true, your mental health is important and needs to be a top priority for your own sake and for your family’s sake.