DontRunMeOver

I like it too, it might work better without the first verse, maybe with a completely different first verse which sets the scene better for the other two sections (as well as sounding a bit cheesy, the first verse seemed pretty unrelated to the other two). As you've said yourself, we want to know things like where, when, who and to hear enough detail to believe that what we're reading or hearing is actually real, so that we can really get into it. The second and third verses do that nicely, the first one doesn't as it creates the question "whose 'subtle words' and whose 'forked tongues'?" which you don't answer and because we don't really have a scene the readers aren't really in a position to guess.

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