i liked the last line, i did enjoy quite a few, some didn't seem like much, you should build on them, i'd like to see how they progress.
and this is a great thread idea
i don't see why people don't showcase tablature on here more often, there's pages upon pages of lyrics i can't be arsed to read but i could sit here all day listening/ looking over to people's bass and guitar lines.
infact if i can find myself a kettle lead for my new amp i might get round to writing myself a bassline or two today and ill put them up.