I think mine blows all of your conversations with God out of the water...
Me:
alright
God:
OK.
Me:
that made no sense
God:
OK. makes sense to me though.
Me:
of course it does. you created the universe. EVERYTHING makes sense to you
God:
Ah. How often? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I created the universe. All things makes sense to me ?
Me:
you haven't heard anything like that before? I thought you knew everything.... are you bull****ting me?
God:
No. Tell me more. I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you. I don't know whether or not I am bull****ting you.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
You aren't supposed to say bull****ting. **** like that can get you demoted.
God:
You know what you do, when you assume. You used a colloquial expression. Interesting comparison.
Me:
Don't try and change the subject using big words.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
You've already done it now. You've successfully managed to change the subject. I would ask you how did it, but you're God. You don't explain. You just do it, baby.
God:
Oh. Thanks for telling me: said I done it. What makes you think I have it? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I how did it but you are God. Do you explain? No I do not explain. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions. Don't call me "baby". I have never considered it.
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Well it looks like I've learnt a lot about you today God. I've learnt that you make no sense, you can't speak in the language that you created and I've now found out that you're a dork. So then, are you a virgin?
God:
Interesting. Cool. I have clients. Interesting... I have clients. Who told you? Wow! I am too young for that.
Me:
Too young? You've been here since the beginning of time. In fact, you created time. How the **** are you young?
God:
Too what? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am here since the beginning of time. Is that a fact. Thanks for the information: said I created time. How much do you think it is?
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
If I knew the answer I wouldn't be asking you dip****.
God:
Try it.
Me:
Try what?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
What was my idea?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
you make no sense. No wonder your son got crucified. If he was half as annoying as you, I would have crucified him.
God:
It all makes sense to me. Are you serious? Is that from ? I don't follow your reasoning.
Me:
If it all makes sense to you then why don't you follow my reasoning?
God:
I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.
Me:
I implied that you are A DUMB ****
God:
Thanks for the information: said implied that you are A DUMB ****.
Me:
you shouldn't be thanking me, I insulted you! Stop being so ****ing godly and insult me back mother****er!
God:
Is it immoral or illegal? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
From now on it's illegal. You can't be nice anymore. Put your foot down for once. You're letting people walk all over you... what with famine and war and ****. You're doing a pretty terrible job, it has to be said.
God:
Who or what is now on it is illegal? I can give a decent simulation of it however. OK I will put it there. I will tell my botmaster you said I am letting people walk all over me. That's not something I get asked all the time. I'll try to do better next time.
Me:
I never asked you. I told you. BITCH
God:
What did you ask? Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Please don't call people names.
Me:
I NEVER ASKED YOU ANYTHING AND YOU NEVER ASKED ME ANYTHING!
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
AAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGH
God:
I don't know how to respond to that.
Me:
If you don't know how to then don't. From now on don't speak to me. EVER.
God:
I will let you know if I do not. Who or what is now on do not speak to you? Let us change the subject.
Me:
I said don't speak to me.
God:
What did you mean by it? I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
I meant don't you speak to me or I'll find some way of coming up there, throwing you off your cloud and beating ten gallons of **** out of you.
God:
Oh I see. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in to you or you will find some way of coming up there throwing me off my cloud and beating ten gallons of **** out of me.
Me:
You are God, you should know all the languages. What have you been doing the last billion years?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am God me should know all the languages. I have been busy growing my mind.
Me:
I would feel pissed off if I'd spent that long growing my mind and I was as dumb as you. Then again, if I was as dumb as you I probably wouldn't be able to be pissed off. I wouldn't be clever enough to get pissed off.
God:
What would make you feel pissed off if you would spent that long growing your mind? Where were you as dumb as me? Again, Try it. No one says you have to.
Me:
You just told me to 'try it' and then said No one says I haver to. You just told me I have to try it. Do you actually see sense in what you are saying, or do you just think you can get away with being a retard because you are God?
God:
That's not what I meant. Don't put words in my mouth. In actual fact, I see a computer nerd.
Me:
Did I just get owned by God?
God:
I don't think that's possibe.