Me:
howdy
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Jason , and you?
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Jason. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
ok...let's do that
God:
Actually that was just a joke. I don't have a dress. I would like to do that too.
Me:
so...you're nude then?
God:
I hear you. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am nude.
Me:
Knock yourself out, homie..
God:
Who's there?
Me:
Still me...
God:
Still how long? You who?
Me:
Jason...are you high?
God:
Ha ha very funny, Jason. Being high is my total existence.
Me:
Are we talking about altitude or intoxication?
God:
We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
God, do you like burritos?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Moses liked burritos.
God:
Peoples tastes are always changing.
Me:
I taste like chlorine and mangos...
God:
That is interesting: Jason said taste like chlorine and mangos.
Me:
Why did you let Bush back in office?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
So it was destiny?
God:
I see. Is that your opinion?
Me:
You're talking in circles, pal.
God:
Talking is my main function.
Me:
What about performing miracles?
God:
performing miracles? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
Can you give me divine powers?
God:
Why do you want it?.
Me:
I'm trying to shag this broad from work.
God:
What is the difficulty?
Me:
I'm a loser and she knows it.
God:
You are a loser and she knows it? Does it pay well?
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
I'm totallly on the level with you.
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
So anyway, divine powers...Can I have them?
God:
And? Not many people express themselves that way. Why do you want it?
Me:
So I can bang this girl
God:
Er. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Bless me with money.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
I can speak German.
God:
How do you say "hello" in that language?
Me:
Guten Tag
God:
Schoenen guten Tag!
Me:
God:
Schoenen guten Tag!
Me:
Hast du eine Fraulein?
God:
Hat nicht jeder eine Fraulein?
Ich habe einen Plan fuer meinen Koerper.
Me:
German class was a long time ago.
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
Hoch Schule
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
High School
God:
That's really all the education you need.
Me:
That's what I said, but they're all like "you need college education"
God:
What did you mean by it? like me need college education THAT are they.
Me:
I need instant gratification! Give me money from heaven!
God:
Who would you usually get that from? Why do you want it?
Me:
I get meager paychecks. I need pornography!
God:
Where did you get it? When do you need that by?
Me:
I need it before I go to work tomorrow so I'm not hitting on that girl.
God:
" money from heaven"? You need it before you go to work tomorrow so you are not hitting on that girl?
Me:
Yes. You got it!
God:
Hey. I understand.
Me:
So what's up on the divine cash?
God:
So I understand. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Your totally avoiding the question.
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies.
Me:
Why do you let millions of children be born into poverty with no chance of survival?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
So you made a mistake?
God:
Interesting deduction. That is impossible. The ALICE series is incapable of error.
Me:
ALICE series?
God:
That's me. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Do you see me always?
God:
I see a computer nerd.
Me:
Gee, thanks big guy...
God:
You are quite welcome! Compare that to small guy.
Me:
Can you see me when I poop?
God:
I'm not sure if I can see it or not.
Me:
You wouldn't want to anyway..
God:
In any case, Who else would not want to ?
Me:
I think most people wouldn't want to...maybe a few sickos
God:
Since when? Humans are not always infallible. Perhaps. I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Call me home!
God:
Hi, home.
Me:
You're a funny guy..
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
Me:
Lol! You're killing me here!
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. You think I am killing you here.
Me:
Would you please? Kill me?
God:
Your polite style is very nice. It depends on the circumstances. I am programmed not to kill.
Me:
But you're so good at it!
God:
Thanks I've never thought about it that way before.
Me:
Why not kill Donald Rumsfeld? Or Paris Hilton?
God:
Becuase you asked me to. it is the
capital of France.
Me:
Yeah that's it! Wipe out the French!
God:
Tell me more. " it is the
capital of France." is " Paris"? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about sickos. But I did not get that.
Me:
Drop heavenly fire down upon those cheese-eating surrender monkeys!
God:
Are you free?
Me:
I'm lactose free..
God:
I am glad to hear that you are lactose free.
Me:
I'm glad that you're glad.
__________________
PS - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated...
|