If you're want to continue the scene/mood setting which you've already done, then continue with increasing use of metaphors. If you can imagine a storyline which might help to draw the reader in for the second verse and which could be completed by the end of the song, then put it in. At the moment it only gets as far as setting a scene, so you might want to use that scene to tell a story.
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Originally Posted by Katyppfan
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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