You used second person point of you and then first person point of view. In that regard you aren't consistent.
I thought your last stanza shuold be broken up into two because they seemed to have two different ideas. And in between those two stanzas you should have something that links them together.
Quote:
Cause you tried too hard
To work out
Just what the silence
was all about
You knew me well
You played the past
But you and I both knew
it wasn't gonna last
|
I think this song and you have potential.
PS: come back soon.
