Quote:
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Originally Posted by FailurexByxDesignerxJeans
Its no where near finished. I just want to know if its a good start. Or what i can change.
Verse 1
Im a Disoriented Teen
With a lot of Hate
I live my life without
breathing day to day
drowned by my own anxiety
I tend to cut my own throat
start of chorus
Strangled by the same line
that you slashed off once more..
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You need something to link the first two stanzas that you have.
The first line of your frist stanza leaves me feeling a tad disoriented.
The concept has been done before and you're too being too vague to make this song stand out in a positive way amongst all the other songs about this subject.
I don't think this is a very good start to anything as is.
My suggestion is that you toss the first two lines enitrely and rewrite the first stanza so that the first line is a
hook and then carry on with . . . whatever else it was you wanted to say
I live life
day to day
drowning in anxieties . . .
blah blah blah
or
I live life day to day
inhaling anxieties
and expelling . . . .
blah blah blah
I dunno