My Christmas Song

I'd have my way with,
Mrs. Claus and I will tell you how.
I'd tie her down with tinsel,
And stick a candy cane in her mouth.
And just when Santa leaves,
To deliver his presents to the girls and boys.
I'll start to use my own set of toys.
And with a glint in her eye,
Mrs. Claus will begin to laugh with glee.

I'm screwin' Mrs. Claus,
And she's screwin' me!
Every year around this time,
It's a HO HO HO indeed!

And if we are ever caught by,
Jolly Old St. Nick!
I'd ask him to join us and if he refuses,
Mrs. Claus will grab him by his (robe)
And with a Hey we'll ride in his sleigh,
High into the night.
We'll drop Ole' Santa from the air,
Where he lands who will care?
Then back on the bearskin rug,
She and I will go!
This is where the Elves cheer us on,
As I give her a throw!
Oh Crowe!

I'm screwin' Mrs. Claus,
And she's screwin' me!
Every year around this time,
It's a HO HO HO indeed!

Now, I'm the new Santa,
And I tell you what,
I'm too fvckin lazy
To get off my Santa butt.
So those presents you're used to,
Yeah well, maybe next year.
That's if I'm not gettin' a hummer,
Next to the nine reindeer.

It's a HO HO HO indeed!
It's a HO HO HO indeed!
It's a HO HO HO indeed!

(Mrs. Claus' voice)
Especially when CROWE CROWE CROWE's in ME!