Music Banter - View Single Post - You kinda have to look at this, don't you?

Alo · 01-18-2007, 12:58 PM

I like it. But this part:

''rethink my actions til my outlook changes''

is a bit repetitive of the part before. You rethought your actions and shunned the alcohol, threw away the drugs etc... So maybe turn that into the past tense?

''when we're young, we go through phases.''

This is quite necesary for the next line, but I don't really like the sound of it compared to the rest. But I can't really think of anything better, someone else may have a suggestion.

01-18-2007, 12:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	I like it. But this part: ''rethink my actions til my outlook changes'' is a bit repetitive of the part before. You rethought your actions and shunned the alcohol, threw away the drugs etc... So maybe turn that into the past tense? ''when we're young, we go through phases.'' This is quite necesary for the next line, but I don't really like the sound of it compared to the rest. But I can't really think of anything better, someone else may have a suggestion. __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied