It's not bad, the rhyming structure doesn't match the tone of the poem, it's drifty and sort of plays on the eyes to make them jump and skip through the lines.
The poem seems much more somber.
From the words you used, I gathered it to be highly metaphorical, it's an interesting read with good vocabulary.
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A mi no me importa nada
Para mi la vida es un sueƱo
Last edited by Trauma; 02-07-2007 at 08:17 PM.
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