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Old 02-10-2007, 01:33 PM   #280 (permalink)
Trauma
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: detroit
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Then is not necessary.

I liked it for the most part, but it's disappointing; it's not one of your best works, and the subject matter is extremely resolute.
Maybe you understand where I'm coming from.

Good things I noticed were: good flow and imagery.
Bad things I noticed were: the excess commas, those seem completely useless, because the flow in this poem isn't the same as "The Warmth in Those Dying Years" or "She Smiled For All of Us", the words don't cross over lines to begin new thoughts.
Too simple.
Maybe it's just the fact that it didn't evoke much emotion, it seemed too monotonous and plain to be describing your last will in this world.
Even more so seeing as how the poem is actually about you personally.
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