Quote:
I crawl back to my room,
the only friend I have,
the walls surround me,
with understanding eyes,
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Cheesy and completely over the top, the only friend I have? cmon.
Quote:
I feel replenished in your presence,
the only real part of my day,
spend the rest of the day,
making things out of sticks,
that are only bound to break,
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You rhymed day with day, congrats.
Quote:
why don't other people have your eyes,
why don't other walls have your eyes,
it's just not the same without you,
I try to remember what it was like in your presence,
I'm thinking too much,
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You rhymed eye with eye, congrats.
Quote:
it's so dark, I can't find my way,
stumbling and clutching for something,
to hold me up,
I crawl back into my room,
just happy to still be alive
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Once again, way cheesy.
The whole idea is weak and just comes off as a teenage whining about how cruel the world is. You can be honest about something like that without being cliche. There is no flow or rhyme scheme to this entire thing, its basically a collection of fragmented sentences. I don't like it.