kind of long, but pretty amusing:
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. 'Reverend,' she said, 'I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?'
'I have an idea,' said the minister. 'Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg.'
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. 'And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?' he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
'Jesus!', Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
'Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones,' said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. 'Who is
your redeemer?' he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
'God!' Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
'Right again,' said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, 'And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?'
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, 'You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your a**!'
'Amen,' replied the congregation.
__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways
Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.
HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER
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