I was enchanted until the final line of the 3rd stanza. it just seems a bit too blunt for an otherwise wonderfully worded and written piece. I'm sure you can find a way to get the same idea across without taking away from the rest of it... whatever, thats probably just me. Over all its great, especially the opening.
also if you have the time, i'm interested in hearing your thoughts on either "the deliberation" or "sunraze", i've sorta been hurting for feedback lately
Last edited by creepinson; 07-05-2007 at 07:46 AM.
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