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Old 09-18-2007, 09:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
The Dave
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Kentucky
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The first line is horrible "Branches branch out" well duh, what else would branches do? Be more creative with that.

I'm not going to nit pick it to death, it's just really sloppy. It's not death of a season nor death of trees, the season will come again, and well, the tree obviously isn't dead because it will grow leaves next spring.

Species has nothing to do with leaves, the leaf depends upon the type of tree so leaves, themselves, have no species. Also, you used: arboreal, and bucolic fairly close together, those being the only "uncommon" words in the poem and it makes them out of place, if you're going to use simple phrases, then stick to it, or, throw in more abstract words from the start, not near the end.
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