The first verse kind of ruins the entire mystery the piece would otherwise have. Title aside if someone were to read the first verse they could basically not read the rest of the piece and know what it's about, which is a bad thing I personally think. I'd maybe make the first verse more vague and more subtle, I honestly think it looks better without it. Other then that its great.
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Originally Posted by METALLICA89
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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