Quote:
Originally Posted by moonage-t
Shame you had to waste all your time on me,
oh how I dread to think of all those possibilities
you wasted...
Would you believe I lay awake every night
thinking of how I devoured your time
Not long ago you were a waitress, forlorn,
those perfect eyes refused to look up from the floor
and if it were not for those clothes I bought,
the ones that you cut up and now seductively adorn
Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn
til I took you out and revealed what your body was for
and if it was not for these hands of mine
then love I am sure you'd still be 9 til 5.
Such a shame you had to waste all your time on me...
discovering yourself but denying those possibilities
oh and darling I cry myself to sleep at night knowing that you chose them
envy that I have neither the time, nor the money, nor the girth of all these other men...
Your lips can be put to better use
than around the rim of a porcelain mug...
and your hands can be put to better use
than clasping the handle of a coffee jug.
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When R-T says its borderline pornographic, we're thinking the same thing for different reasons (I assume). Its too what if and not enough "happened."
I'm not suggesting you write something that
is pornographic but lets get into the details here. What happened, why did it happen, why won't she do these things. And keep it bare. You're not writing a narrative, its still a song, but thats sort of the work involved. Pack a million things into 5 words uniquely and you're halfway home.
Do you have any questions for us?