Daddy Fucked Me
Sitting in the corner watching light dance against the walls,
I watch my mother lay another log on the fire,
"Be good son, you mind your father" and the door shuts,
There is something sinister in the way he moves,
An awkward elegance to everything he says,
He smiles and says "I'll mind you" with a grace
I've never seen before and I smile back,
And say "I love you dad," he says "I love you too,
And I'll do anything you want right now, but let you go."
Still I smile, I don't quite know what he means,
As he approaches me slipping out of his clothes
I stand, awestruck,
As he slips me out of mine
"No.." I weakly say,
As shock grips my heart,
Pulling their strings,
"I'm only seven."
He grins and comes behind me,
"That's young enough to be old."
He spits on himself and eases me over,
Screaming comes soonly after I grip onto a pillow.
I try to scramble towards the door,
Daddy says, "It'll only hurt more!"
My eyes roll into the back of my head and clench my teeth,
I hear the blood drip to the floor.
Blacking out I look up and thank God,
And my father puts me into bed pulling the covers to my chin.
He caresses my cheeks and looks at me fondly,
Daddy punches me in the ribs and grabs my throat strongly.
"Tell anyone and I'll kill your mother, sleep tightly son,
I have to go say 'good night' to your brother!"
When I hear the bedroom door close and the whimpers begin,
I creep down to the kitchen stepping softer than sin.
It hurts to walk, but I don't give a fuck, I grab a knife
Bigger than my head, sharper than human skin.
I open the door, my shadow hits the ceiling...
My dad is bent over, and soon he will know the feeling.
Shivering, shaking, I held a locket of my mother
I let her face become forever burned into my mind,
While I crept up the stairs trying to be quiet,
Letting everything I knew,
Every image of love leave me,
As I held her picture like a cross
But I knew it wouldn't keep me safe,
As I eased open the door and saw his sleeping face,
His naked body still covered with my blood,
As the moon light, so sickly and white laid across his pale skin,
And I hoped god would forgive me,
As I stepped toward his sleeping body.
I told my brother to stay quiet,
He was limp and sobbing in the corner.
I looked at myself in the reflection of the blade,
Seeing my young face turn into hardened steel,
I caressed his cheek and he coughed in response,
He rolled on his side like some kind of subconscious invitation.
You don't have to ask me twice, Daddy, you just have to ask me nice.
I felt his blood pumping, hot against the cool night,
Hotter still against the cool blade of the knife.
Scream Daddy, yes, "Please stop" I've heard that before!
Please stop squirming Pa, "It'll only hurt more".
His eyes roll back into his head and I know he hears,
He hears his blood dripping to the floor.
Finally he lays still, his face frozen in a flash of horror.
"Brother" I say, "Go close the door."
We lay next to my father, finally loving this old man.
What we are, a loving family lying together again.
I hold my brother's hand and put my father's arm around us.
Hugging me tight. Making things right.
We fall deeply into our soaked pillows,
Tonight we will sleep safe and sound.
R. Crowe & E. Smith