Music Banter - View Single Post

Urban Hat€monger ? · 12-31-2007, 06:58 PM

Quote:

No celebrity is safe from Simon Amstell's cut ting sarcasm. Here are his best put-downs from Never Mind The Buz z****s:

Foul-mouthed singer Donny Touret te swaggered on to the show then rubbed his groin. He sneered at Simon: "This is how I think of you." Simon replied: "You think of me as a tiny penis?"

"I watched Hollyoaks: In the City last night," Simon told Philip Olivier, star of the soap's late-night spin-off. "Imagine Hollyoaks, but even worse."

Responding to comedian Noel Fielding's line that Courtney Love would "crush you like a twiglet", Simon joked: "Or kill me and make it look like suicide."

"Javine is one of the most boring people I've ever interviewed. And I've interviewed Ronan Keating!"

"Kim Wilde helped to break the world record domino topple. Kim has loved dominoes ever since there was a fee and she was available."

"Penny Smith is my favourite presenter on GMTV - which sounds like a compliment but is a bit like saying she's my favourite member of al-Qaeda."

To Keith Chegwin: "Are you a fan of Katie Melua?" Keith: "I am, yes. And her singing voice is great."

Simon: "You're not still drinking, are you, Keith?"

Simon to Jermaine Jackson: "What about Michael, has he ever done anything weird?"

After playing Girls Aloud's Long Hot Summer video, where the girls dress up as car mechanics, he said: "Waxed, fluffed, full leather interior, slight smell of sick, some rearend damage - it's Girls Aloud."

When Amy Winehouse turned up looking the worse for wear, Simon commented: "This isn't a pop quiz show any more - it's an intervention."