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jackhammer · 01-19-2008, 10:00 AM

Found this review for his album on RYM:

"Hi, I'm Ashley Olsen."

"And I'm Soulja Boy."

"And for the next sixty minutes, we're going to share with you some of the most obnoxious chart rap from the Double-Os."

"You know what I like to call them."

"What's that?"

"The OOOOOOOs!"

(laughter)

"When the last vestige of hip-hop's ability to scare adults shrank away - and an entire generation of emulatory social strivers raised on a pervasive celebrity culture came into their own as consumers - obnoxious chart rap stepped in to fill the void."

"That's right, Ashley. Guys like Hurricane Chris, D4L, and myself (humble chuckle) blew up the charts with hookless playground chatter married to rinky-dink synth tracks. If it could become a joyless polyphonic ring tone, it was in the Top Ten."

"Those were such great times! I think we all can remember the first time we did a cold-read for a new Steve Martin comedy, then did a bump of coke off the display of a bejeweled Treo before driving home in the Cayenne blasting 'Donk (She Got)'!"

(brief pause)

"Well, now you can experience that feeling again and again and again, with this brand-new Time-Life collection: Obnoxious Chart Rap."

[Voiceover]

Time-Life is proud to present: Obnoxious Chart Rap. Now you can experience the ****tiest club tracks of the dawning millennium in the comfort of your own home. Hear pandering minstrel fare from... Hurricane Chris!
["Ay Bay Bay"]
Plies featuring Akon!
["Hypnotize"]
Yung Joc!
["It's Goin' Down"]
And everything recorded by Dem Franchise Boyz!
[twenty songs playing at once for three seconds]

Yes, it's all here. The tracks was bangin', and you was slangin'. Chart rap from a simpler time, a time when the nation's seventeen-year-olds still thought this music was hard. Available in one place for the first time as 45 CDs, 3 mp8 CDs, or 900 10-second ringtones!

"And we're back. Soulja Boy, as you know, obnoxious chart rap wasn't always about booty meat, or making God sad through creative ejaculation. There was love, too."

"Oh, you bet, Ashley. That's why someone wrote 'Soujlah Girl'. (pause) Well, that and perpetrating the brand."

(laughter)

"But yes, obnoxious chart rap was all about love. Love for girls with thick asses, girls with large asses, girls shaking what their mamas gave them, girls that liked to drink Patrón and experience shame. There was something for everybody... provided you were attractive, with disposable income and a way with the stripper pole."

"Mmm. You're really taking me back."

"It's funny you say that, because as an artist, it was my goal with every song to pretend the past never existed. When you heard 'Yahhh!' featuring Arab, I wanted the listener to believe that both the song and themselves appeared in that club, or that kegger, or that Range Rover ex nihilo. In fact, it was my hope that Collipark's baby-Casio-and-click-track beats would eventually become what everybody thought of hip-hop. I wanted casual listeners to judge the entire genre of rap based on the pandering crap I was releasing."

"And for a magical seven months, you did exactly that. Looking at this collection, I can't imagine how long it would take to gather all these great songs in one place! My assistants could be scouring iTunes for hours. But with Obnoxious Chart Rap, Time-Life did all the work for you!"

Time-Life is proud to present: Obnoxious Chart Rap. Now you can own all the classic hits from a time when moving three fingers on a Korg was enough to send a song straight to the top! Peep this dope **** from... Da Muzicianz featuring Ying Yang Twins!
["Camera Phone"]
Webbie!
["Bad Bitch"]
Huey!
["Pop, Lock and Drop It"]
You know what? Pretty much any ****ing snap music single!
[picture of Mr. Collipark and Jermaine Dupri chunkin tha deuce]

"And we're back."

That is class!

01-19-2008, 10:00 AM	#65 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	Found this review for his album on RYM: "Hi, I'm Ashley Olsen." "And I'm Soulja Boy." "And for the next sixty minutes, we're going to share with you some of the most obnoxious chart rap from the Double-Os." "You know what I like to call them." "What's that?" "The OOOOOOOs!" (laughter) "When the last vestige of hip-hop's ability to scare adults shrank away - and an entire generation of emulatory social strivers raised on a pervasive celebrity culture came into their own as consumers - obnoxious chart rap stepped in to fill the void." "That's right, Ashley. Guys like Hurricane Chris, D4L, and myself (humble chuckle) blew up the charts with hookless playground chatter married to rinky-dink synth tracks. If it could become a joyless polyphonic ring tone, it was in the Top Ten." "Those were such great times! I think we all can remember the first time we did a cold-read for a new Steve Martin comedy, then did a bump of coke off the display of a bejeweled Treo before driving home in the Cayenne blasting 'Donk (She Got)'!" (brief pause) "Well, now you can experience that feeling again and again and again, with this brand-new Time-Life collection: Obnoxious Chart Rap." [Voiceover] Time-Life is proud to present: Obnoxious Chart Rap. Now you can experience the **tiest club tracks of the dawning millennium in the comfort of your own home. Hear pandering minstrel fare from... Hurricane Chris! ["Ay Bay Bay"] Plies featuring Akon! ["Hypnotize"] Yung Joc! ["It's Goin' Down"] And everything recorded by Dem Franchise Boyz! [twenty songs playing at once for three seconds] Yes, it's all here. The tracks was bangin', and you was slangin'. Chart rap from a simpler time, a time when the nation's seventeen-year-olds still thought this music was hard. Available in one place for the first time as 45 CDs, 3 mp8 CDs, or 900 10-second ringtones! "And we're back. Soulja Boy, as you know, obnoxious chart rap wasn't always about booty meat, or making God sad through creative ejaculation. There was love, too." "Oh, you bet, Ashley. That's why someone wrote 'Soujlah Girl'. (pause) Well, that and perpetrating the brand." (laughter) "But yes, obnoxious chart rap was all about love. Love for girls with thick asses, girls with large asses, girls shaking what their mamas gave them, girls that liked to drink Patrón and experience shame. There was something for everybody... provided you were attractive, with disposable income and a way with the stripper pole." "Mmm. You're really taking me back." "It's funny you say that, because as an artist, it was my goal with every song to pretend the past never existed. When you heard 'Yahhh!' featuring Arab, I wanted the listener to believe that both the song and themselves appeared in that club, or that kegger, or that Range Rover ex nihilo. In fact, it was my hope that Collipark's baby-Casio-and-click-track beats would eventually become what everybody thought of hip-hop. I wanted casual listeners to judge the entire genre of rap based on the pandering crap I was releasing." "And for a magical seven months, you did exactly that. Looking at this collection, I can't imagine how long it would take to gather all these great songs in one place! My assistants could be scouring iTunes for hours. But with Obnoxious Chart Rap, Time-Life did all the work for you!" Time-Life is proud to present: Obnoxious Chart Rap. Now you can own all the classic hits from a time when moving three fingers on a Korg was enough to send a song straight to the top! Peep this dope from... Da Muzicianz featuring Ying Yang Twins! ["Camera Phone"] Webbie! ["Bad Bitch"] Huey! ["Pop, Lock and Drop It"] You know what? Pretty much any **ing snap music single! [picture of Mr. Collipark and Jermaine Dupri chunkin tha deuce] "And we're back." That is class! __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”