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what is an adequate comparison to getting hit/kicked/slammed in your general wiener area?
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It's something akin to this.
Having a paper cut just under and parallel to your finger nail get lime juice poured on it while simutaneously enduring unending indecisiveness of relatives and watching your house burn down as you read a letter that tells you you just lost your job and being told that it is no longer possible to make beer or pizza.