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Old 10-06-2008, 08:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
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The first stanza is amazing. Really, aside from the last stanza this is pretty good, but the rhyming is terrible, for the most part. The first stanza had some good rhyming. But for the most part the rhyming gets in the way of the poem. Also, you repeat In walked a man who held life in his hands too much. Also, I am not sure of the meaning on this poem, so you should work on it. This is quite well done, for the most part though. Worth continuing.
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Wolverinewolfweiselpigeon said:

What's with people dying? Shit.
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