i'm so sorry, but you're using too many little particulars that aren't real interesting. Maybe if you'd said:
'your razor, nose-hair clippers and porno mags, i'll take them off of your hands because i can,
and oh, by the way, i'm taking the car, too! You can sue me for it if you'd like, meanwhile, you'll be riding a bike'
but see how i just got kind of caught up in the small pic, as it were?
One of the best examples of this type of song is Phil Collins "I Don't Care Anymore" and you might get some good ideas from listening to/reading the lyrics for it.
You didn't say what genre you were writing to, and knowing that would help with our comments, also.
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