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Old 01-15-2009, 06:44 PM   #38 (permalink)
Frozen Angel
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
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Repetition is necessary in a song. I like your rhyme within rhyme, and to me if you put the line back together as so, it seems more clever and doesn't quite appear forced:

"Put your house in order my friend
Soon your life will come to an end
With this task; you will ask
Have you done more harm than good

Self reflection wasn't your style
Now you put your conduct on trial
Will it sting; wondering
Have you done more harm than good"


for example.

This way, you cannot visually see the effort in the rhyming...but it flows so nicely. Separating the line makes the reader pause the line, IMO. Especailly in lyrics, forcing rhymes adds a cheesiness to something that, well, is not cheesy at all.

Not sure if I like how you end EVERY verse with "Have you done more harm that good" BUT if your song has guitar melody (or intrumental interludes, piano or something) in place of a pre-chorus, or pre-verse, just to break it up - then yes you can be as repetitive as you want.

In my opinion, the presentation and how you deliver your words is equally as important of the quality and content of your work. Then again, your format might be your preference. I am only expressing my own.

Last edited by Frozen Angel; 01-15-2009 at 06:51 PM. Reason: wanted to say more than I did
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