Some of this makes me scratch my head and think "What?" Most of it is amazing..and some of it is VERY forced, or you couldn't think of something better to say becasue it HAD to rhyme.
Hey, not all of it has to rhyme. But where to rhyme and not to rhyme needs to be measured out equally. Rhyme every other line to make it easier on yourself, or only rhyme the 2nd and 4th lines and so on.
I know not everyone in here is writing lyrics, maybe only some stanzas need rhyming, preferably the ones that have the MOST impact.
"lichens grow under your skin
your vegetable is all within"
What?
This is prob my favorite part of all of it:
"there is not an antidote
there is not a shred of hope
the beautiful and dangerous
things you said before you broke
everything that was my life
time to tease; time to grin
time to laugh at everything
time to take your ecstasy
time to find your deep meaning"
It is my favorite part because you said what you wanted to say without having to carefully choose the words so they rhymed. To me that part is the most effective and most natural part of the whole thing. Even though it starts with the same two words in the last 4 lines.
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