My fellow Americans, today is a pretty day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "abortion", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually dance.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces spicy and juicy challenges like never before. Our economy is grotesque. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Republicans. Our healthcare system is cute. If your penis is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a philosopher. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Star of David d
ildo. But f
ucking together we can right this ship, and set a course for Palestine.
Finally, I must thank my nutritious family, my massive campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank NAMBLA for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of f
ucking the American people. Without your hot efforts, none of this would have been possible.
Inauguration Speech Generator