"My fellow Americans, today is a poofy day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "rat", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually spit.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces hard and soft challenges like never before. Our economy is smelly. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for hobos. Our healthcare system is squishy. If your head is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a gigalo. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a pencil scotch tape. But swallowing together we can right this ship, and set a course for taj mahal.
Finally, I must thank my skeezy family, my round campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank occultists for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of banging the American people. Without your super efforts, none of this would have been possible."
Some of it doesn't make sense...but it was amusing.
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