My fellow Americans, today is a murdering day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "honky", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually ****.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces black and ugly challenges like never before. Our economy is wet. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for heroes. Our healthcare system is soulless. If your ass is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a prostitute. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a America ****. But ****ting together we can right this ship, and set a course for Alaska.
Finally, I must thank my foolish family, my redneck campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank white trash for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of kicking the American people. Without your stinky efforts, none of this would have been possible.
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Now another stranger seems to want you to ignore his dreams as though they were the burden of some other
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