Since you're probably after more constructive feedback than just "it's good" or "it sucks", I'll say that the first line doesn't really work for me.
Quote:
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As we walk to the rhythm of falling snow
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I see you use a lot of metaphors and then you can do whatever, but this semi nonsensical line seems a little out of place to me. As you know, falling snow doesn't really have a rhythmn .. and nonsensical metaphors should be more appearant, I think.
Other than that, I kinda like it although I've no idea what it's supposed to mean and that can make it harder to judge.